clearly we need the jokes a flowing!

1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, didn't you!?"
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help.
(If they don't help, yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize.
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?"
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a monkey.
(It works with any animal.)
7. Put water in your mouth, and pretend you are barfing when someone walks by.
(It's really funny when you chew up some Snickers for this.)
8. Get an "Obsession, for men" cologne sample spray, and go up to people asking, "Do you have an obsession for men? I was just wondering because I have an obsession for me. It's in my pants. Do you want me to spray you with it?" When they look at you funny, take out the cologne and say "What? It's just my obsession for men cologne. What were you thinking of?"
(It doesn't work on the people that have the cologne.)
9. Walk behind someone and have an argument with yourself.
(It's even better if you talk in two different voices.)
10. Have a bottle of water and go up to people saying, "Thirsty?"
(See how many people you can get to drink from your bottle.)
11. Have a newspaper or a book (or something like that) and hold it out to someone and ask, "Thirsty?"
(Confusion is funny.)
12. Put a chunk of something sticky on your hand, and go up to people saying, "Eh, how're you doing?" and try to shake their hand.
(Some people actually don't notice huge sticky brown things sticking to your hand.)
13. Jump kick a wall and look at someone and say, "Please don't do that."
(It works with trees too.)
14. Go up to someone and say in a very low voice, "Death by catapult."
(There is also, death by spatula, death by rug burn, death by malapropism, or any other weird random way of death.)
15. Get people to join you in your strange adventures.
(Twice the people= twice the fun)
16. Follow somebody around for hours and then ask them to stop following you.
17. Go to a public drinking fountain and offer to hold down the button. Then press it down halfway and when the person leans forward press it down all the way to soak their face.
18. Viciously attack a stop sign with a newspaper.
19. Steal manhole covers and run around with them.
20. Throw water balloons at people in office buildings from the street.
21. Run at top speed by some people yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO."
22. Put a box with an alarm clock in it down and run away.
23. Set up a tent and do scout things, such as trying to start fires with rocks.
24. Fall down and when somebody tries to help you up scream, "get away from me!".
25. Walk around with a baseball bat and ask people," you talkin' to me?"
26. Carry around bags of sugar and walk up to people and say, "Hi my name is Bob and I'm running for governor." Give them the bag and run away saying, "vote for me!"
27. Roll a tennis ball and run after it crying.
28. Fall down; clutch your knees and roll.
29. Tell people that the blue light is back.
30. Walk up to a stranger and ask them if the Force is with them.

1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio while head banging.
3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if they gave you an obscene gesture.
16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
24. If an fire truck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do a cheer for them as they pass!
25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.
26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
27. Stop and collect road kill.
28. Stop and pray for road kill.
29. Stop and cook road kill. (If in Tennessee.)
30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on winding email abuse.
31. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow...down... to... a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
32. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you're in. When they tell you you're there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong state!"
34. Sing without having the radio on.
35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off…

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm…I thought the customer was always right!"
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Bat Cave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

What do you do if a blond tosses a pin at you?

RUN!! She has a grenade in her mouth.

P.S. Why do blondes so frequently tell blonde jokes?

I don't have a clue but every blonde I know loves them...

When in a public bathroom taking a dump, wait a second after the initial sound of the drop, and then announce that this is a new color.
Take 1 liter bottle of soda, a baseball, and chocolate fudge. Go into bathroom, dump the entire liter bottle into the toilet, and then wait. Then, throw the baseball into the toilet, plugging it up. Be sure to throw in the fudge after it and then rub the extra on the walls. Then leave the stall and wait for someone else to go in.

I am banned from the Best Buy in Memphis :3

Is this it? are there no more jokes left it the world for us to post here? Come on lets keep at her boys! I will need to go some were i have never gone before to look for more! TO THE Libery!

...not that funny

So this guy was taking this girl to prom.

He went to rent his tuxedo and there was a massive line. After he finally got his tux he went to get his date some flowers. Once again there was a massive line and it took him forever to get the flowers. Finally he went to pickup his rental car for prom and of course there was a large line. He finally got everything and went to pick up his date. When they got to the prom she asked for a cup of punch. He got to the concessions table and there is no punchline.

lulz

ohhhhhhh BEDROCK